Another Bad Day

   Okayy, okayy. Today, was a bad day. Horrid, and morbid. Emotional, and reductional with feelings. So, lets start off with the fact, I HAVEN'T HAD A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP SINCE THE FRIDAY WE STARTED OUR VACATION!! I'm so irritated lately. I go to sleep everyday at three, wake up at seven. -___- It's really used considering I try to sleep starting from ten pm. STILL, I don't sleep well. My muscles are sore, so very sore. I was starving on my walk to school, even though I ATE BREAKFAST!! I'm feeling weird, this weird spidery feeling. I get it sometimes. At school, I come wanted to talk to my friend Jack. I need some comforting, he's good at that. Although, I HATE pitty parties endlessly. He was busy with someone else. So I offer Kelly (my childhood friend<3) ginger ale. I buy it alot of her in the mornings. That's what friends are for. That and I love taking care of her. I come back, he's still busy so whatever. I sit beside Kelly whispering things about her brother.. NO I DO NOT LIKE MIKE! Well, seems like it's time to go to class already. My teachers back. -sigh- We continue on our practice for the song we have to learn. He gives us a lecture of how hard he wants us to practice. BLAH BLAH BLAH! When I'm derturmined to practice, I always ask to us the backroom. I'm very competitive. Extremely. I spent over half an hour practicing untill the first 5 bars are perfect. I cried because.. well I'm just not good with dotted notes. Hate them so much. So after that, I get out of the practice room. He gives us are marks. OH DEAR GAWD! HOW DO I HAVE A 66!?!/ I TRY TO FECKING HARD IN THAT CLASS!! ARGH!! WHY DO I HAVE A 66!?!? I'M THE ONE IN THE WHOLE CLASS WHO TRIES SOO HARD!! -sigh-  okayy, okayy. Bad start for today.

       The bell rings after I was reading my pixie book. I walk off to english already looking depressed. In that class, I seem to be the only one who feels guilty in that class because nobody's handed in their ISP, but I seem to be the only who's broken hearted because ms. O'Neil looks like she might cry on the spot. It eats away at me.. SHIT I REALIZED, I forgot my money at home. I buy a drink and eat Jancy's left overs. I spend lunch reading. No one's really their. Hmm... I want to talk to him right now.. Great, where's my bio partner project. He's not here. Ohh their he is. We have to pick numbers out of a cup. -shivers- Were number eight. We prey SOO hard we don't go up today. I was having mini panic attacks. Erghh. That reminds me, I hate it when people say something SO UTTERLY RUDE, AND EXPECT YOU NOT TO TAKE OFFENCE INTO IT!! Anyways, we don't go up, but by the end of the class my left arm is clawed up by my nails. Math coems and I forgot to do my work. MY MATH TEACHER ALWAYS YELLS AT ME!! My friend Mike askes me if he can put his jacket my locker (I share with Kelly).. I do. He askes "what's with the lipstcik?" but I'm not wearing any. "it's chapstick." "Then why are your lips coloured." I show him it. "It makes me look pale." "Eww, pale means you don't go out alot." The turn to him and say in total sacrasic mode "CH'YEAH!! No wonder your so fat." LIKE I'M  SORRY I'M NOT AS SKINNY AS MY FRIENDS!! I'M SORRY I HAVE FAT PEOPLE GENES! I'm sorry, that my friends are asain and I'm not. Your nto taht first person who's either implied or said it. The rest of the day just FECKS me over so much. So angred. -sigh- Life goes on.

Again & Again

      Lately, I've been having these dream about my friend. Gosh, like it really creepy. The first dream you have in the new year, is suppose to happen. I know it's petty and foolish of my to believe in it, but I DO. Like on the thrid I have this dream where, we were in the castle for beauty and beast. I was wearing what the girl in the front of the book Fallen wore on the cover. I walked down the staircase toword the ballroom. I hear the most enchanting music, like a lullaby. I look down the halls opening door stillnot being about to find where it is. Finally giving up, I go down teh staircase for the front of the castle. I hear it closer now. I go to the right, but find nothing, so I walk to the left. I open the door, which lead to the library, and i find him playing on this grand piano. He's wearing a suit. Calling out his name twice before he finally turns around, his look is blank. He walks afar me, I run scared. He runs after me, I run down a hall which by the tiem I'm down half the hall away, I trip and fall, twisting my ankle. He piggybacks me to a bed. Since my dress is long, he pulls it up high so he can look at my ankle. After it's patched up, he grabbed my face and leaned in.. I woke up.

       While the dream I had today, the beginning was the same, but when I ran down the hall I come to a dead end. I turn around he's right front of me, inches away. He slams his hand beside my head. I stare at him sheepishly. He grabs me by the arms, so tightly, then he slams me against the wall. I start to cry because it hurt so much. He then pickes me up in his arms and carries me off into the same bedroom as the past dream. He put me down, seating me on the bed. He then pushes me on the bed, and pins me down. Hgoes on top of me, leaning closer... Once again, I woke up.

        Starting to get a little creepy considering I remember most of the dreams AND they all have him and that dead look. Even creepier, I touched him yestarday, a quick one and it sent this CODL shiver down my spine. Along with the fact everytime I'd look down the hall, it'd look like he was starting at me. So creepy.

My Phobia List

Yes, I am very scared of the world. I don't trust it. You never know what's out there just waiting for you. I'll be naming a LONG list of my fears. Agateophobia (Fear of insanity), Agraphobia (Fear of sexual abuse), Agyrophobia (Fear of streets or crossing the street.. I will RUN across any street or dig my naisl into palm), Anuptaphobia (Fear of staying single), Asthenophobia (Fear of fainting or weakness.. sucks considering I have Anemia.), Astraphobia/Astrapophobia (Fear of thunder and lightning), Athazagoraphobia (Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting), Atychiphobia (Fear of failure.. I will CRY if I fail anything), Autodysomophobia (Fear of one that has a vile odor.. I run away from them), Ballistophobia (Fear of missiles or bullets.. I live in a place where I grew up hearing them), Batophobia (Fear of heights or being close to high buildings), Cacophobia (Fear of ugliness.. That's a MAJOR one for me), Cancerophobia/Carcinophobia (Fear of cancer), Catagelophobia (Fear of being ridiculed), Claustrophobia (Fear of confined spaces), Coulrophobia (Fear of clowns), Cyprinophobia (Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease), Dermatopathophobia (Fear of skin disease), Doraphobia (Fear of fur or skins of animals), Ereuthrophobia (Fear of blushing.. I have panic attacks when someone tells me), Erotophobia (Fear of sexual love or sexual questions), Eurotophobia (Fear of female genitalia.. Yes, I a girl have that fear.), Gelotophobia (Fear of being laughed at), Genophobia (Fear of sex), Helminthophobia (Fear of being infested with worms), Hemophobia (Fear of blood), Illyngophobia (Fear of vertigo), Isolophobia (Fear of solitude, being alone), Ithyphallophobia (Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis), Levophobia (Fear of things to the left side of the body.. I ask people not to stand over leave thing beside me), Merinthophobia (Fear of being bound or tied up), Mnemophobia (Fear of memories), Necrophobia (Fear of death or dead things), Obesophobia (Fear of gaining weight), Ophthalmophobia (Fear of being stared at.. even with my weirdness it scares me ALOT), Parasitophobia (Fear of parasites),  Phallophobia (Fear of a penis), Trypanophobia (Fear of injections), and Virginitiphobia (Fear of rape)
           
Then come the three major fears I carry. Three, Zuigerphobia (The fear of vacuum cleaners). Two, Philophobia, the fear of falling in love or being in love. And one, Autophobia, the fear of ones self..