Wash Away

  WOW, it's been like SIX months? Yeahh, six months since I've written a post. I'm not gonna lie, it's not a big deal that I haven't. I've been sad, lately. I feel sick, as well. I don't want to eat, but my body needs it. But I'm over weight as well, for someone who's 5'1. I'm FREAKING 142. WHAT THE EFF IS THIS!? I'm so obese. All my mam and sister ever say is "YOU NEED TO WORK OUT MORE!" So rude. My mam doesn't think it is. She said it's not rude if I'm her daughter. It makes me feel like crap. I've heard it from friends, I've heard it from guys, I heard it from school, I heard it from doctors, I've heard it all in total. I should be 20 pounds lighter, but I'm not. And it's not because I lack excerise, I take gym(BY CHOICE), I'm on the Rugby team at school, and I take marial arts. Don't tell me I need to excerise more when all I ever see you do is ride one for those house bicycles every three days for one hour.

   I try to make myself skinny. I wish I knew how I could attempt it.

   My school just made a class for aquatics only, and I thought "HEY, why not? I know how to swim. Maybe, my mam will feel proud for me. Maybe, I'll be the skinny daughter she wants so much."

    My father said that I HAVE to work out everyday if to be skinny. I try. He doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm fat because I have a big ass. I have a small chest, which doesn't make me feel any better anyways. My legs have muscle, but it also has it's still jiggly. I cry in my bed everytime he says I'm fat.

     My body, it's like a 12 year old + J.Lo's ass. You see how well that work? It doesn't. I want to be a normal teenager. Have breasts that fit in B cup bras. A waist that's 25 inches. Slim legs that are to die for. Measurements:Waist 27, Hips 41, Bust 32. I'm even under average height. I have a stomach that looks like Chornic Hunger. My arms don't have muscle, but it has this jiggle. I feel ugly.I know their are people fatter than me, but they look great, their tall, shaped well, pretty. While, I'm misproportioned, feeling hidious. I just feel fat.

...

Why can't I be the way I used to be?