Frustrations

           Ya know, I've never admitted this, but I always tend to take out my frustration at the people I know outside of my house. I could never take it out at home because I'd get hit. I get hit alot to be quite honest. The family believe in "Nobody's around, the others won't know if I hit her." Lovely concept they have. I feel bad for everyone else, because I'm a pretty big beach. I think I'm this stupid now only because I've suffered so much blunt force trama to my head. It's unfair I'm so mean to everyone.

Unfair

             AHHH!! I haven't written a post down here since July 6th appearantly. That's a LONGG time considering It's not October 11th.

             So, Ya know what sucks shiz? Having my family. I can't dye my hair, STILL and I'm 17. While my sister's got to dye their hair when they were even BEFORE teens. DUH HEW!? Eff man. I can;t have a boyfriend. DUDE, THEY DON'T EVEN TRUST ME WITH GUYS! THEY DON'T EVEN TRUST ME OUT LATER THAN TEN!!! Eff this. Today I came late home because of Martial Arts. So A few minutes ago, my dad past by and he's like ".. go fucking shower AT 8:30" WHAT DUH FEQ! I'm 17 going on 18 in about half a year, and I CAN'T EVEN BE TRUSTED WITH SHOWERING!? What kind of fecking life is this when you can't even trust me to shower? What a piss off. Than I got a rant about not eating all my food at ONCE!? DUH FEQ! And for being on to long? when i'd been on for fifteen minutes. Like honestly, I want them to eff off :/
    

PMSING!?

                  Mr. Don't look so scared. I never know, I knew never that I could feel so SADD we went under. So sad. So sad.

Fallen

                     What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I do anything right? Like all I want, is to try, try so hard to be perfect. But everytime I'm finally so close, I just fall back down. I am the fallen. There are times, when I do something wrong and I keep it all to myself instead. Other times, I just try so hard for everything to be okay, but I can't. I want to grab the sharpest thing is my path and stab it into my heart, into my chest. So I don't have to live, or care. Why am I so stupid? I want to punch so hard, that my knuckles bleed. I feel so disgusted by myself. The fact that I destroy, hurt and nothing else to everything around me kills me. Just let me be the fallen. I am due to be the fallen.

mmmm

                   CHYEAAH! Westview won their first game agaisnt Weston. Rugby Season, 2011. I'm so happyy. Well I was. I was SOOO fucking happy maybe about ten minutes ago.. but then I got this "mmmm LOL brb gonna shower i feel depressed for some reason"    

                          Firstly, that's pretty dry the way he just left me like that. I feel so small & useless. I feel like I did right after the switched me out during half time... I feel crappy. Why could just those few words hurt me so much? Why do they scare me? WHY DO THEY DEPRESS ME!? WHAT THE FUCK IF WRONG WITH ME!?

Can't keep my hands off youu

Cause' on the street, or under the covers.
We're stuck like two pieces of velcro.
At the park, in the back of my car.
It don't matter what I do.
No, I can't keep my hands off youu~

I rolls

                    It's so weird. You know, usually teenagers would be so into making out and getting into each other's pants, but it's not like that at all with Jack. It's funny.. Not "HAHA" funny, just funny. It's so nice to have a relationship with depth. To have someone care about you so much. I layed on top of him on a park bench. We just laid their, breathing in each other's scents.  No hand's in bad areas. His hands were on my neck & head making sure I was safe & comfortable. We rolled around a bit & even though out lips were a few centimeters away, we giggled & talked into each other's breathes. When we tells me I'm beautiful infront of my friends, I hide myself because I get shy. I GET SHY!!?! Yes, yes.. You know, he's the first guy ever to say he's IN love with me. It was wow, just wow. He makes me feel amazing. I love it. I love him. ~

Toughh

                        Soo... It's been a couple of days sicne I've made a post. I know. It's been tough lately. I think I'm stressing myself out too much lately. Too much work, too little sleep. >_< Wonderful. My friend Lily, she's extremely worried about herself. She told me she has trouble breathing, but the doctor said their was nothing wrong with her. She's scared something will happen to her. I don't blame her for being so scared of anything happening. I would be too. While on another note, my boyfriend's dad needs sugery.. & his dad won't tell him why. He still hasn't found out. Jack seems to out of it when he talks about it.. It worries me. Another thing is, I haven't had a good night's rest for the past week. I have very little sleep now & everytime I move it's like slow motion. So weird. One of my friends has become a Pot-Head.. I am currently very feverish. I seem to be losing my appitites, & i seem to be looking like crap the more I try. Theres SOO much more that's screwing me over, but I feel like I might pass out soon.. LOVELY!~

Soemthingg?

Name: ElizaNickname: Baybedow // Fur Elise // Eli // Elle My Favorite Part Of My Body Is: My neck and legsMy Worst Habit Is: I have too many.
I Feel Sexiest In:  Short shorts with stockings or a tubetop with heavey accessories.The Tv Shows I’m Totally Addicted To Are: House and Criminal MindsDo You Believe In Love At First Sight: ...Yes >__>I Think Sex On The First Date Is:  It's slutty, but as long as it's not me. I'm good.
PDA Is:  It's cute, as long as it isn't making out.
I Would Never Date A Guy Who: Known as a cheater // slut or shorter than me
I’ve Always Had A Thing For: Suits. Long, pretty, silky hair & stubble.
The Best Time To Drop The L Bomb Is: Alone with each other.
Do You Wear The Pants In Your Realtionships: For once, NOO!~ It's wonderfull.
My Favorite Date Is: Maybe a double date to the mall.
The Best Advice I’ve Ever Been Givin Was And From: Relationship advice to Emily & Te.One Thing I Wish I’d Known About Relationships Years Ago That I Know Now Is: I should never even try dating anyone else.The Craziest Rumor I’ve Heard About Myself Is: That's I'm an annoying self-centered slut.
You’d Be Shocked To Find Out That I’ve Never Dated:  Benjamen P.I Have Been Mistaken For:  Selena Gomez.. ewwYou’d Be Surprised To Find Out That I Do My Own: HaircutsMy Friends Always Make Fun Of Me For: My boyfriendMy Goal Is To One Day: To have a family. The Next Place I’d Love To Travel To Is: Europe or Japan (when it's fixed)You’d Be Shocked To Find Out I’ve Never: really had a makeout longer than an hour and a half..I Wish I Could Stop_____ But I Seriously Can’t Help It: thinking about his lips
I Have A Crush On: Jack (My boyfriend)
The Movie I Watch Over And Over Is:  She's the man & A Cinderella Story
I’d Love To Be: in his arms & pretty
The Best Beauty Tip I’ve Ever Been Givin Is: Don't use powder foundation
The Most Embarassing Thing That’s Ever Happened To Me Was: ...Not sayingThe Words I Live By Are: GLITTER MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER!The Feature I Get The Most Compliments On Is My: My smile
I’m Not As _____ As I Look: Bitchy
Have You Ever Asked A Guy Out In The Past: Nope
I Think I’ll Probably Get Married: I hope
I’m Deathly Afraid Of: the vaccum..On A Random Saturday Afternoon, I Can Be Found: Homee
I Just Dont Feel Hot If I Don’t Have: AccessoriesI’ve Been In Love: Now
If I Could Trade Lives With Another Person, It Would It Be: Honestly, someone I hate.
I Tend To Fall For: Cute, funny long haired sweet boys.
The Best Part Of Being In A Relationship Is: Just having something different from friends, & to love someoen so deeply
The Worst Part Is: Being scared of hurting or being hurt by them
I’m So Attracted To Guys Who Have: Sweet boys.Getting Married Is Something: SpecialThe One Trend You’ll Never Catch Me In Is: Matching EVERYTHINGThe One Food I Simply Cannot Resist Is: Cheesecake & Mint Chocolate Chip Ice cream
The Most Important Thing I’ve Learned From A Sibling Is: Learn to get around.
I Can’t Resist A Guy With: a sweet personality
Do You Stay Friends With Your Exes: Not really.
My Favorite Kind Of Date Is: With each others I guess taht all I want out of it.
Can You Have A Good Relationship Without Amazing Sex: Yeahh.
The Greatest Compliment I’ve Ever Been Givin Is: "You're SOO cute. You look like a little babydoll."

Two Months && eightt days..

                             I'm a horrible person. I may have not meant to hurt you the way I did, but it hurt to much to know I hurt you. Sobbing in my bed, hugging my knees to my chest. I'm guilty, always am. I am scared to screw us over. I'm evenly as scared to hurt you, more than anything. I think, I might love you a bit overly too much. I didn't mean to do what I did to you, but I'm so sorry I hurt you. You know I hate myself than I care what happened in your past. I'm hurting myself, more than you know. I might really and truly.. you know, LOVE you. I'm not sure if I can tell you though. I cried last night to know I was the one who upset you.. WHY CAN'T I FUCKING CONTROL MY FEELINGS?! My tears leek off my face & I don't want to wipe them away because I know that I'll hate myself after. How does this work? I might really LOVE you, but I have the biggest hatred for myself. Why do I always feel so guilty about my feelings for you? I wish I coudl tell you everything I feel, but I'm scared of the truth. I'm scared of what could happen, but what I'm really scared of is both losing and hurting you.

Marks

                         "Why can't you be more like your sisters" - Parents

                       Thank you, thank you for pointing out how crap I am compared to my family. I'm sorry that I'm not them. I really am sorry I never make you proud of what you made out of me. You're disappointed that I can't been who you wanted me to be. I can't be my sisters. I'll just hug my knees pulling them into my chest. Just sob a bit more, wish opon a star, and let my heart break slowly so I can feel all the pain I deserve. How does it feel to be compared to someone prettier, smarter, just BETTER than yourself? Pretty much like you're useless crap. Let me fade away into the shadows, while I watch your perfect life without me at play. I know how you really feel towards me. I always did. Stop lying to yourself and everyone around you, we all knew. I'm the girl, you didn't want. I'm a disappointment that just needed to be left in a ditch to die. I'm not who I should be...

Am I..?

                         "It's a sickening feeling that never seems to wash away."  - Baybedow

                         There are times in the day, I just want to grab my bag & listening to my converse pound against the pavement while tears spill down my face. I just feel like there is never a solution to what I am. Is it wrong for me to be ashamed of what I am? I'm always too busy protecting everyone else around me to even solve what's wrong. Some nights, I really just want to spill out the door and run as far away I can to forget everything I've done. I don't want to be touched by my friends. I feel as if their too nice to me. The ends of my eyes tilt downward because I'm scared of who I am. My stomach twists and turns fearing that one day, I'll just be over come by my feelings of hatred to myself and  just die off into obscurity. I've felt so down lately, but I can't tell anyone how I feel. It's a secret I'll keep to myself..

I might rip my eyes out..

                        Damn it. I'm crying again. What do I do about it..?

Dirt

                         All my mom ever does is insult me, over and over again. "NO, IT'S GOOD FOR YOU! IT SHOWS YOU HOW TO DO IT RIGHT!" Well, just let me do it, let me learn by MY mistakes and shut the FECK UP. Like shit, do you NOT realize, I don't give a shit about you're "help" about you're ignorance towards my feelings. No, no, those aren't important in life. Nothing about being youself EVER is mom. Everything you say MUST be right, because you're my mom you're ALWAYS right, NOT! Like feck yourself. You know, the moment I turn eighteen I'll do ANYTHING to stay out of home. I'll work double shifts, go out alot, takes lots and lots of classes. I'll even go out and get drunk just to wake up in some ditch to stay out of home. When I ask "what?" because I'm busy or tired, appearantly, I HAVE NO MANNERS! Great, it's good to know just because they need something you have to put every little of your craps down to do things for them. Sometimes, I feel like pushing them down the stairs or punching their faces until their skulls are broken and bashed into. I don't have anger problems. It's just they get on my nerves so much. I can never do anything right for them. I'm not my sisters. I'm dirt and grim. I'm just living in the shadow of them. They don't even really care about me. I know they don't. I think that to point out how sucky you are, critisizing is a sport to them.

Weird Talkk..

` 3lizaa said:
don't worry, it's cuteHero Complex Banh Bao says:
=)` 3lizaa says:
back?
already?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
ya` 3lizaa says:
i'm gladHero Complex Banh Bao says:
why?` 3lizaa says:
because i like talking to you? Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
ohwellhow do you put on a condom in a sexy way?=)` 3lizaa says:
DX
hoping you wouldn't rememberHero Complex Banh Bao says:
=)` 3lizaa says:
ryan told me you rip it with your teeth & slowly put it on ..there with your mouth, so no matter what the guy will always want to put it on even if he doesn't liek it
THE END
: DHero Complex Banh Bao says:
ehh that is just ehh to me` 3lizaa says:
.___. i wouldn't know, i'm a) a girl & b) never needed a condom due to... yeahhHero Complex Banh Bao says:
your not a virgin O_O` 3lizaa says:
O__o
OFCOURSE I AM
WTF?!?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
oh` 3lizaa says:
ARE YOU STUPID?!?!Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
I LOVE YOU =D` 3lizaa says:
i want to slap you
made me feel sadHero Complex Banh Bao says:
how bout slap me on the butt =D` 3lizaa says:
): but you made me feel sad
how could you think i'm not a virgin?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
i was keeding =(` 3lizaa says:
): not a nice joke
ohh, btw idk if i'm going to pmall anymore for my birthday
because everyone wants to combine kenney's & my birthday together.. since hers is the day before mineHero Complex Banh Bao says:
ohbut wernt we going to korean bbq?` 3lizaa says:
idk
it was still tied >__>
so yeahh
anyways, i'll slap you next time i see youHero Complex Banh Bao says:
oh the butt? =)` 3lizaa says:
noHero Complex Banh Bao says:
i likey =Daw =(` 3lizaa says:
welll... MAYBE
you're is squishyHero Complex Banh Bao says:
HA` 3lizaa says:
well, i'm thikning bothHero Complex Banh Bao says:
im gonna likey =)and almost the mid term huh29` 3lizaa says:
29th my birthday Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
i knowmid term is on the 29th as well` 3lizaa says:
WHY SANTA, WHY!??!Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
?` 3lizaa says:
why does it have to be on my birthday T__T
-cries-Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
LOL` 3lizaa says:
wait, both ways, you promised me a kiss. so i'm good hehe
keeding, i'm not trying to be a perv >__>Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
LOLsure a makeout insted ` 3lizaa says:
pfft, "lol" you're nice
hmm?
well, you just said "smooch" so yeahh, never said makeoutHero Complex Banh Bao says:
ohok smooch then` 3lizaa says:
i'm not sure if i said be sad i said that or happyHero Complex Banh Bao says:
LOL` 3lizaa says:
=/Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
hmmbut you do know that after that day and if your marks drop we cant kiss smooch i mean` 3lizaa says:
WHAT??!
D:Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
ok fine we can smooch when you want too kay =)?` 3lizaa says:
pfft, i don't smooch, i makeout ... I BLAME TINI FOR THISHero Complex Banh Bao says:
LOLkay after your b day we can makeout` 3lizaa says:
okayyHero Complex Banh Bao says:
unless you want to makeout other than smooch` 3lizaa says:
well if it makes you feel better, my mark in two classes are 70 & 72?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
to be honestmarks for meas long as you passGOOD JOB` 3lizaa says:
LMFAOOOO
that's all i look for too
well, i'm pretty sure in gym i have a 98Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
ehhh thats not surprising` 3lizaa says:
why? .__.Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
gym is hell easy=)` 3lizaa says:
):
couldn't you have given an better reasons?
*reasonHero Complex Banh Bao says:
all you mostly do is get activehow about that?` 3lizaa says:
no ):
imma look at dresses to make me happy nowHero Complex Banh Bao says:
LOLcan i see =)?` 3lizaa says:
really?
in links or files?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
you gonna be in the dresses?` 3lizaa says:
no
8DHero Complex Banh Bao says:
=(` 3lizaa says:
8D
nobody's seen me in a dress
or short skirts Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
didnt i see` 3lizaa says:
YOU DID??! O__OHero Complex Banh Bao says:
no it was a skirti think so` 3lizaa says:
not a short skirtHero Complex Banh Bao says:
saw you in short shorts` 3lizaa says:
that's different
everyone sees me in short short
sHero Complex Banh Bao says:
you look hawt in them =)` 3lizaa says:
only for you
　plus, i don't think i'd wear short skirts around guysHero Complex Banh Bao says:
oh kay` 3lizaa says:
8D
short shorts?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
isnt that how you spell them?` 3lizaa says:
yeahh
i'm just asking you
wait, should i wear skirts? D8Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
if you like it then go ahead` 3lizaa says:
idk if i like it .__.
i HAVE them, i just never wear them outHero Complex Banh Bao says:
ohwellQUICK WHENS MY B DAY=)` 3lizaa says:
hmm?
July 26th?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
you sure?` 3lizaa says:
yes?
but, you ARE giving me second thoughtsHero Complex Banh Bao says:
so its your final answer` 3lizaa says:
26?
.___.
i hope
am i right?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
dun dun ddddduuuuunnnnnn` 3lizaa says:
no?
i'm not?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
yea` 3lizaa says:
I'M NOT RIGHT?!?!
O________O
DX I FEEL BAD NOWHero Complex Banh Bao says:
XD` 3lizaa says:
AM I!?!?
YOUR NOT ANSWERING ME!!!
YOU'RE WORRYING MEHero Complex Banh Bao says:
your right=D` 3lizaa says:
D:
why'd you make me feel bad then?
I'LL RAPE YOU IF YOU DO THAT AGAINHero Complex Banh Bao says:
` 3lizaa says:
no, you no get raped
not by me atleast, by tiniHero Complex Banh Bao says:
awwww` 3lizaa says:
why aww?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
kelly told me his thing was small` 3lizaa says:
LMFAOOOOOHero Complex Banh Bao says:
i want youu =(L

(LATER ON)
Hero Complex Banh Bao says:not badyou like long makeouts? ` 3lizaa says:
i've never triedHero Complex Banh Bao says:
really?` 3lizaa says:
yeahh
just mini make out here and thereHero Complex Banh Bao says:
never once?` 3lizaa says:
and i think i kissed you the longest... sadly >__>Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
LOL oh wow` 3lizaa says:
although my makeouts were alot more freaqent then with youHero Complex Banh Bao says:
...well im not here often` 3lizaa says:
i know
how long did YOU do that for? o___oHero Complex Banh Bao says:
hmmm` 3lizaa says:
i love how you have to thinkHero Complex Banh Bao says:
longer than an hour i think` 3lizaa says:
i THINK i've only done half an hour... maybe more, idk.. i don't really remember with shameerHero Complex Banh Bao says:
i cant remeber that well with alina as wellbeen over 2 years` 3lizaa says:
it's been liek a year or something
although.. i remembered something with brandon
x___x kayy, i don't wanan think about this anymoree.. i just remembered with bennyHero Complex Banh Bao says:
its okwhats happened happened` 3lizaa says:
but, but benny told the class THAT I HAVE HIM HEADSA AND I SO DIDN'THero Complex Banh Bao says:
headsa?` 3lizaa says:
*Heads
do you know what taht is?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
ohhhim pretty sure you didnt go that far` 3lizaa says:
I DIDN'T
IT WAS A DAREWHero Complex Banh Bao says:
so you did?` 3lizaa says:
AND IT WAS ONLY A KISS
no, we were dared to make out a little.. but nothing else Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
okay.. lol dont gimme that look what matters now is that i love you and you love me =)` 3lizaa says:
you made me smileHero Complex Banh Bao says:
i know =)` 3lizaa says:
(:
you're so sweet, ya know?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
=D` 3lizaa says:
did i really make you smile or is taht an msn smile?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
really` 3lizaa says:
>w<Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
=)` 3lizaa says:
nana saw that message you sent me earlierHero Complex Banh Bao says:
about loving you?` 3lizaa says:
@___@ and, and i found a pretty dress & no about cutting myselfHero Complex Banh Bao says:
thats good to hear` 3lizaa says:
what's good?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
ohhhnvm` 3lizaa says:
okayy?
wanna see the dress? or not? cuz i could just show anna insteadHero Complex Banh Bao says:
show me` 3lizaa says:
link or photo?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
link` 3lizaa says:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Q5D9u9sUXQ8/S864F0SKfUI/AAAAAAAAAUQ/o6lycREFCHA/s1600/skye_sweetnam_2.jpg am so jealous of her prettiness ;__;Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
punk rockwould loook nice on you =)` 3lizaa says:
well, i made a list of dresses 8D
some are girly though.. and you wouldn't expect them on me
one day, i'll wear a dress in the summer.. maybeHero Complex Banh Bao says:
i can see?` 3lizaa says:
yes..Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
=)` 3lizaa says:
you haven't seen any of my pictures in dresses?Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
well blue dress` 3lizaa says:
blue dress? O__OHero Complex Banh Bao says:
i think it was` 3lizaa says:
I don't own a blue dress .__.Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
I THINK` 3lizaa says:
i don't own a blue dressHero Complex Banh Bao says:
nvm thenhey i g2g` 3lizaa says:
i own pink 8D
aww
laterHero Complex Banh Bao says:
i know =(I love you =)` 3lizaa says:
ttys
& i love you too Hero Complex Banh Bao says:
your not gonna let tini rape me are you?` 3lizaa says:
no, i want to rape you to muchHero Complex Banh Bao says:
LOL thats good to know =)i cant wait =)LOL

Cuttingg

Q.You know what?
A.I still cut myself..

Q.Why do I cut myself?
A.Live is hard for me to live.

Q.Why is it hard for me to live?
A.I'm a rose trying to grow towars the sunlight, but am stuck in the shadow for the so called "Greats".

Q.Who are the "Greats"?
A.My sister's my family.

Q.Is that the only reason why I cut myself?
A.No, that would be stupid. Extremely.

Q.Do I want to tell why else it's hard?
A.Sort Of.

Q.Where do I cut myself?
A.Where hip piercings are located.

Q.What do I have to live up too?
A.Smart honor rolls, scholarship, atheletic, bubbly, preppy, perky, pretty sluts.

Q.Who are they?
A.My sisters and cousins.

Q.Am I going to tell you why I cut myself?
A.Yeahh, I guess..

Q.Why do you cut yourself?
A.I feel unloved mostly, hurt, frustrated, sometimes even suicidal.

Q.What makes you feel like this?
A.That is a story for an other blogging day..

Q.When will I write that?
A.Sometime soon..

Heart of Glass

                        The one thing that worries me the most when I open my chest and hand them my heart to hold, that's they'll leave cracks in their hands so it could fall out of their hands. Only to brake my heart of glass. I try to keep it locked up in chains and an icey cage. Sometimes, a problem comes though. They melt away the ice and unlock the keys, just to pick it up and down it shattered on the floor. They get a few cuts of their feet, but I'm the one who suffers, too cry. Having no heart. That's the problem when I have a heart of glass.

Opening Up?

                       "With others, it easily slips right out, but with a certain person, you don’t know why you’re not capable of exposing yourself deeply just yet. You have this connection you share with them where you don’t want to do anything that will ruin it. You don’t want them to think of you differently, and possibly never talk to you again. You’re afraid of the (negative) outcomes. What they think of you, actually concerns you. They’re not one of those “just another in the crowd” type of person." -Te.Qu

                        For someone younger than me she's has suffered with the same scares as I. To be scared for being hurt and you be treated differently. They aren't pleasent. Shivers across your spine with dread and hurt, all the scars under your shirt.

Scars

                          "Rock bottom is a beautiful start. We're rising up to show the world our scars from former life that we'd rather not hide." Why? Why is this true? Rock bottom is a beautiful start. You can't fall anymore, you're already at the lowerest low. Do you care? No, why would you.  You rise up to show your scars to show how you've been hurt. How strong you are now. Who hurt you. Why you can deal. Why you don't trust. The fallen you've taken, but survived. You know, scars show true beauty. Not like, I feel off my bike, but the ones that hurt in and out. You healed and servived. You loved then you lost. Why be ashamed of what happened? What's damaged you? You need people to know, not for attantion but for the sake of getting it right. That's why it's the truth..

Every new couple..

                   Every new couple in my group of friends they always like bullshit about them. It angers me like shitless. You know why? Because why do you have to pretend you know about the other person in the relationship? Frustrating both people in the coupel to the point one of them either gets mad or cries? Is it do fun to watch peopel suffer, like a Sadistic teen moron? First, they told me he was cheating on me with chinese girls in Chinatown (since his co-op placement is close to there). it worried me to the bone. He made me feel secure by telling me he would never. Second, they told me he was moving away like 45 minutes away from our school and switching schools... I freaked out, worried and cried. But they told me if was early April fools. -eye twitch- He kept on droppnig hints like he was coming this week. I was so happy and stuff.. Then he kept on dropping hitn liekhe was coming today, I didn't see him. SOO, you know what I did. I forgot about it. One of his friends let it slip he was here and i freaked out at them. Why do tehy toy with relationships so much? =__=

You Fixed Me

                              All the times I tried to steal my best for you and I threw it up to keep it down and watch it burn I hate the sound. I know just how you feel cause i don't know how it ever got away. Cause I still feel all the things I did before when you used to need it more. Remember all the ways you fixed me..how you fixed me now. Yeah, and if your ever feeling sure. Bruised and battered on the floor and I wont tell no one. Just breathe. And I'd work it out if that would make you feel it more, and I know you hate to watch me pout. Tear it off and scream and shout and I know that even though your breaking. You'll get sick and terrified. I still feel all the things I did before when you used to need it more. Remember all the ways you fixed me..How you fixed me now. Yeah and if your ever feeling sure. Bruised and battered on the floor and I wont tell no one. Just breathe. You could have it all. You can take it all. I don't mind at all. Just take it all. You can take it all. How to fix you now. All the things you did before, when you used a little more.

Frustration

                    Like OMG! I FUCKING HATE LIVING IN THIS HOUSE!! "YOU'RE SO STUPID!", "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YO'RE SAYING!", "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU JUST SAID!" Then I get hit, hit, hit. Face in the dirty, dirty dirt. How nice of life to just SHOVE my freaking nose into all the shit in it. Like stfu. I know you wanted to get rid of me. One day, you'll see me. Watch when you're screaming. What is everyone's problems? You know, somedays I'm just so overly tempted into running away from my problems... THEN I remember that I suck at saving so I'm broke... I have no money too run away... This is bullshit. You know, I don't need to know about Billy S to be good at anything. I don't wanan go to school, because maybe, WHAT IF... I coudl end up like Skye Sweetnam or anyone else who drops out? Why not? I freaking fear my parents.. That's why. So I'm freaking stuck here..... If you know me in real life, if you tell me, "push down, pull up" and I DO trust you, you'd see how bad it was sometimes.. Nobody knows though.. FML

Asexual Muchh

                                         Em ;; "I just can’t get you out of my head..."

 Alex Yet another love status post -.-
Honestly I'm a bit irritated by these... I'm happy living healthy, fit, organized, not bitching over someone il never go out with, and single :P

 Poly P.Alex quit your bitchin and ill quit smokin promise! Em Alex I'm not bitching. I am living a happy life? who said I wasn't happy? And this isn't some stupid little crush for two days, because he is hot. I don't really care if I'm single or not. I'm not the kind of girl to date just to have a boyfriend. Baybedow aww, poor em.. and alex what's-your-face, must you honestly be so cruel agaisnt love what you ever? because i'm not single but i still do have some heart on people who are, because you know SOME people do feel bad about wanting someone. just because your not one of them doesn't mean you should be bitching about it. so go great a freaking heart. C:  Alex If you read my comment correctly, I'm not saying that Em is bitching, I'm not saying that I'm bitching either, re-read my comment and think about what I said, I said that I'm tired of these sappy posts and they irritate me, nonetheless I never said anything bad about anyone, you just read it wrong... Baybedow hun, i didn't read wrong. by being irritated by something then posting that you are, it's called bitching. nor did i say you said anything bad about anyone, but frankly it's quite rude that you must be so asexual when it comes to others feelings. if you don't like it, don't pay attention to what she's doing. that's why they invented "IGNORING".                 ... Anybody else think I was right to say that? I mean, why does he have to be so rude about it? Was it right for me to have said ANYTHING to him? I wasn't trying to be rude, but why is he annoyed by someone crushing on someone? You know what I think, either he truly is Asexual* or he's been hurt too many times and won't admit shit.

  *Asexual=(slang terms) Not to have feelings for anything or anyone, sometimes, it's sort of like a sadistic sociopath.